Thoughts on self perception

This week, on "SURVIVOR- Mountain Town."....
I've used the expression "self-image holocaust" before, but back then I was speaking aesthetics. I've come to realize "Self-image" is something so much bigger than the glass perception of my calves in this pair of shoes or that, or fretting over unattractive too-small hands... that sort of thing. So what really makes for a distorted self image? Is it uber sensetive psychosis instilled by social interpretations or a lack of fatherly affection in childhood? OR is it the knowlege of one's own private undercurrents-the concealed or not-so-concealed wells of short-comings that we tell ourselves (and often rightly so) that only we can see? The personal first-hand understanding of our lacking virtues- the gouges and marrs in character and historical judgement are all the substance created by experience- Memories of doubt and weakness and error percieved and filed accordingly in a place deeper than blemishes and cellulite. We are visual creatures- and therefore we find an ease and even a macabre comfort in the disection and criticism of what is tangible and changable. Obviously this is considerably simpler and benign than the dig for-and adress of the true facets of our self-loathing; i.e., what we've done, what we've lived, and what we know. As a result of these things, we feel the weight of what we believe we are or are not capable of. But this excavation of personal skeletons is perhaps the most crucial step on the pathway to peace. I will myself every day lately to challenge my personal demons. In doing so, I've recovered charms and brief glimpses of confidence and self-worth I thought had completely disintegrated when I experienced the proverbial life shattering "IT". I have seen enough of myself to realize that more importantly than my tendency towards lapses in judgement- I have the capacity to survive anything. SO, my ass look horrendous in these pants... I'm still the fittest bitch I know.
xoxoManda